There is always a lot of discussion about the wiring for sex in men and women. Recently, I commented about something I had seen on the Oprah show. A physician discussing women’s health suggested that a woman should have at least two hundred orgasms per year. It lowers stress and can prevent certain physical problems. At an average of four times per week, women in the audience oohed and ahed. To make a joke, I said that I could hear the men groan. The replies from the company I was reciting this story to were mixed.
For instance, one rhetorical question was “Four times a week, is that all?” Another a bit of input was “the men groaned? You’d think that they would be as happy as the women.” These statements passed into the rest of the conversation and no further exploration was made into the subject. Today, I started to think about the replies from the day before. Why would a woman assume that men want sex all the time? Is there a difference in the way that men and women perceive pleasure?
First, I believe that men and women are wired differently for pleasure. Okay, that is a pretty obvious and cliched statement. However, I think my take on this subject is bit more than just about biology. The pleasure of sex creates bonds between humans. In the old days those bonds were established between 14 and 16 years of age. The peak ages for human reproduction. The fidelity of those bonds depend on the personality compatibility of the the people. As time passes, the drive for physical pleasure ebbs in males and females. Sex turns from procreative drive to a ritual that reasserts the attachment emotions. Only females get to have a second sexual wind. By the mid to late-thirties, women feel a renewed sexual drive. However, this time, women are seeking pleasure. Call this a reward for bearing progeny before menopause radically alter the hormones. Meanwhile, males enter a form of menopause that depletes the sex drive. This is why the men in my joking comment are groaning. They are already playing keep-up with women. But now there is a standard to be met.
At a certain point, men and women change their sexual perceptions. According to the physician on Oprah, sex for thirty minutes a session at four times a week promotes cardiac health, reduces stress, and releases a slew of beneficial chemicals into the body. This reiterated, men can reach orgasm within a few minutes. This is not especially linked to cardiac health. Furthermore, male orgasm saps energy from the body. This causes the ever bemoaned “roll-over and sleep” complaint women hold against men. Women on the other hand can take several minutes to a half-hour or more to reach orgasm. For a woman, sex can be an aerobic activity that has long term benefits. It is a matter of finding a man that is both willing and capable of putting off orgasm.
To do this, a man needs to put aside the learned perception that ejaculation and orgasm are the same thing. Truthfully, they are not. In men, orgasm often occurs at the same time as ejaculation. In truth, ejaculation is a procreative reflex to heightened stimulation. Orgasm is a physical reaction also caused by heightened stimulation. The difference is that orgasm occurs without emission. Orgasm is the simultaneous firing of nerves throughout the system. Muscles contract, respiration increases, and hormones flood the brain. However, the body is not physically taxed to the point of exhaustion and no spermatozoa are released in the ejaculate. The man can have several orgasms like his partner.
–More later–
