Admittedly, it’s been a long time since I did any kind of regular dating. There’s a lot of reasons for it. Cowardice and laziness are on the list, but I have to put uncomfortable silences punctuated by inappropriate choice of words high up there on why I don’t enjoy the beginning of courtships. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been told that I am a romantic, good looking, and funny. I do pretty well after the first few days are past. However, I’d like to skip those and just get right into the fun of it.
But it can’t be that way. All first dates are going to be awkward train wrecks. The first dates are loaded with a myriad of questions like where’s your family from, what do you do for a living, what are your passions, &tc. Then there are the unasked questions: what do you look like naked, are you a good kisser, and do you know how to give a decent massage? It’s the tension between cerebral and animal interests that make the first date such a rough ride. If we could get a bunch of that out of the way, then those first dates might go much easier.
I’m not proposing that people should just strip naked and bump uglies on the first date. Not at all. If two people are serious about finding the right match, then they should have all of the information and take their time. What needs to happen is for people to get out of their own ways and past the discomforts of first dates. Here’s a good first date analogy: First dates are like slowly pulling off Band-Aids®. We all know that things go smoother when you get the painful bit out of the way fast. My idea is pretty simple: couples bath. I know it sounds stupid, but keep reading. I think I can show that this could be a good idea.
Here’s the scenario: A couple meet for their first date at a bath club. Couples have private rooms. There are no separate dressing spaces. Couples undress each other. The bath is very warm. The lights are low. Maybe a candle or two. After undressing, the couple slip into the tub. The couple will spend the bath soaping and scrubbing each other. Questions about how the other looks naked are already answered. As a matter of fact, the idea at this point is to be the best bathing buddy possible. Make sure the back is fully washed. Hit the nooks and crannies.
While trying to distract themselves from their situation, the couple engages in meaningful conversation. Those usual first date questions still have their place. As a matter of fact they are probably more important now. In a bath tub you really come to know a person. So long as the intention is familiarity rather than humping, the bath date can be very productive.
Here’s what can be learned on a bath date:
- Family history
- Employment
- Passions
- Hand/eye coordination
- Attention to detail
- What’s under the clothes
- How well one knows how to navigate human anatomy
Sure, this plan has holes. Huge holes. It requires people to give up their prurient notions about naked bodies and shame. Another notion that needs to be dropped is that a man and a woman naked equals sex. This is especially important for men. We are told most of our lives to keep it in our pants. A first date in a bath tub definitely means that it’s not in our pants anymore. If we remember that then the rewards will be substantial.
