In my previous article [link], I wrote at length about the current g-spot controversy. I’d like to now give my two-bit anecdotal evidence for its existence and methods of enjoyment. I’ll open by saying that I am by no means an expert in this field. This site is my soapbox and I use it as such. My aim is to share something good and useful.
The controversy woke me up and brought to mind my history with the g-spot. I can’t actually tell you when I first learned about it. As a term, it wasn’t coined until 1982, so I can say for certain that it wasn’t before then. Besides, I was twelve at the time. I’d say it would have to be in my late teens, then. My first serious girlfriend and sex partner is the most likely locus for my early g-spot investigations. As the sensitive guy that I was trying to be, I made it a priority to learn what I could about the female erogenous zones.
I committed to memory the placement of the various items that make up a woman’s sex organs. The mons pubis, labia major, labia minor, clitoral hood, clitoris, urethra, vaginal opening, vagina, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries. The g-spot was a magical thing though. Apparently, if touched properly, it could induce a mind blowing orgasm unlike any other. At least, that’s what it said on the book jacket, right? Well, I wasn’t about to neglect this small fleshy area just because it was elusive and its very existence was under contention.
Now men don’t have much patience for things that can’t be seen. After all, most of our awareness is made up from visual stimulus. A clitoris can be seen. Therefore, the clitoris can be properly manipulated to bring on an orgasm. This is what men like. We want a users manual with diagrams of what we will be doing. The g-spot on the other hand is a wily and elusive thing.
It is positioned inside the vagina at approximately 1 to 2 inches on the upper (belly) side. What the biology books don’t show is that from the vaginal opening, the interior of the vagina arches upward just a bit and it can carry the g-spot out of reach of the penis. Normal penetrating sex will just graze this area. However, careful use of the finger tips can find and stimulate the g-spot.
I was surprised and she was delighted that this lovely spot in her vagina did actually exist. G-spot stimulation became a norm in our play. My experience with her set up presumptions that I’d have about future women. First, I thought all women would be as easily stimulated via the g-spot. Second, I thought that all women would by the time I met them be aware that they had a g-spot. Man, was I wrong.
Young and stupid, hopefully, has lead to old and wise. I did learn that women have a wide area of experience when it comes to the g-spot. Like men, women are familiar with what they see. More than one has used a hand mirror to explore and visually inspect. Again, the clitoris is pretty easy to locate. Pull upward on the clitoral hood and there is pleasure button number one. Why worry about a spot about the size of a nickel inside the vagina when there is a much easier to access source of pleasure, right?
The good news is that I knew better early in my sex history. A couple of my lovers were aware of the g-spot and were appreciative of the extra attention I gave it. And still others had heard of it, but their own experiences led them to believe that they didn’t have one. What I learned from all of my lovers is that they all have a g-spot. One description helped me above all to locate the g-spot: a more textured bit of flesh about the size of a nickel and one to two inches inside the vaginal opening. “More textured” gave me something to feel for and I have yet to not locate the g-spot on a woman. However, I also learned that not all women are as sensitive as my first lover was.
One lover never had a vaginal orgasm. For her, the pleasure she derived from penetrative sex came from rough handling and deep fast penetration. Neither of these behaviors am I naturally inclined towards and had to learn for the sake of our sex life. From her, I acquired a bit of a kink streak. As a balance, I asked if we could see if we could teach her body to be more sensitive to vaginal intercourse. G-spot stimulation was our starting point.
Every woman responds differently to g-spot stimulation. Some will find it immediately and intensely pleasurable. While others will find that stimulating the g-spot is uncomfortable and even painful. To understand why, we need to know what we are stimulating. The g-spot is actually a cluster of nerves that surround the urethra along its length. The separation between the anterior (belly side) of the vagina and the urethra is very thin. The nerves come in close contact with the vagina. Along the anterior side of the vagina there is a very textured bit of vaginal wall. This is where the separation is thinnest and most sensitive.
When pressure is applied to this area some women may feel a sensation similar to the urge to urinate. This is where delicacy is a must. Social conventions will make this sensation uncomfortable. As mentioned above, if too much pressure is applied too quickly, the sensation can be quite painful. The rule of thumb with g-spot stimulation is to begin gently and slowly. Use one or two fingers and stroke with a come hither upward curl of the fingers. Also, don’t focus all of the contact on the g-spot. Don’t forget that there is another hand and a mouth to spare. This is supposed to be fun, right?
With the woman I mentioned above, I kept my touch as subtle as possible. The object for us was to awaken the nerves in her vagina and help her to become more aware of their responses to stimulation. Over time, we were able to increase pressure and frequency. And because we didn’t spend all of our time on the g-spot her body was able to associate its sensations with her general pleasure. And I am proud to say, that she began to have incredible orgasms from softer penetrating sex. (This doesn’t mean we dispensed with the rougher play. That was fun in its way, too.)
One thing that researchers seem to forget when choosing their sample pools is that we are all different. We do not come from the same mothers and fathers. None of our sexual experiences are exactly the same. Yet they still attempt to homogenized human experience so that it will fit their data. The truth is completely the opposite. The generalities of human sexuality are so completely general as to make any study meaningless. What I just wrote above worked for me because of a little learning, some patience, a willingness to try and more importantly a willingness to move on if what I tried wasn’t working.
-vita brevis sic lasivious nuda- Life’s short. Play naked.
