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An thoroughly engaging, entertaining, and interesting interview.
Pt 1
[YouTube Link - Pt 1]
Pt 2
[YouTube Link- - Pt 2]
Pt 3
[YouTube Link - Pt 3]
Pt 4
[YouTube Link - Pt 4]
Pt 5
[YouTube Link - Pt 5]
OK Go – This Too Shall Pass from OK Go on Vimeo.
They have made band geeks cool again. This has not been accomplished since Fleetwood Mac’s Tusk [veoh link]
OK Go’s new album [iTunes link]
This past Friday I forgot my brain at work. I really can’t believe that it happened to me. After all, I think my heads screwed on tight enough to keep that slick and wrinkly bugger from slipping out. It happened, none the less. Once home, I cracked open my trusty feed reader to catch up on the day’s news, comics, and general absurdities. An unrelated article had a banner near the top of the page. It spoke of a miracle berry, Acai, that is taking the dieting world by storm.
The problem with the banner is that it suckered me into believing that it was pointing me towards an article from a local paper. Losing weight has been on my brain for several years now, and recently I was making headway. That headway stalled on me. Now frustrated, I found myself reading this article earnestly. It promised that this miracle berry would help shed weight. The “journalist” recounted her results. She lost 25lbs. in a mere four weeks! Astounding. Within a couple of clicks, I had ordered my 30 day trial of this wonder pill made of Acai berries and other mystery ingredients.
I went to bed that night dreaming of shedding my last fifteen pounds. I’d cancel my subscription within the first 14 days and will have spent only $5. Sweet! Then I remembered my Dad doing much the same thing when I was a teenager. That company promised him a watch. What he ended up with was a bill of a couple hundred dollars and a can of individually wrapped vitamin supplements. It took him a couple of weeks of relentlessly calling to get them to cancel his subscription.
Saturday morning, I cranked up Google and searched out product reviews. I also went back to the “article” to look at it more carefully. Most legitimate articles that referenced Acai agreed that there are no specific benefits in this berry, but that added to a good diet and exercise plan the berry can’t hurt. The “article” itself couldn’t stand close scrutiny either. At the top of the page it read “advertorial” which is advertising newspeak for “ad.” This is the full page product ad that is seen in magazines. The ad looks similar in all details like an article. I got suckered.
I went back to the product’s home page and read the terms and conditions. I signed myself up for a $90/month subscription to this wonder berry pill. How completely stupid of me. The happy ending to all of this is that a fifteen minute phone call (most of that time spent waiting for a rep) is all that it cost me to cancel the subscription. Phew!
My desperation to lose the last of this age and negligence weight made me forget that I was on a program that was working and not costing me a dime extra. Here’s the plan folks. Eat less. Eat better. Exercise more. And be patient. Our bodies only need about 2000 to 2500 calories a day to run properly. If you are trying to lose weight, count the calories you are currently taking in. See which foods are your highest contributors. Then look at cutting back/out sweets and shrinking portions of anything else. While I am losing weight, I try to keep intake between 1500 to 2000 calories. Now that the pattern and portions are in place, it’s become habit.
A calorie is a unit energy required to raise one kilogram of water by one degree Celsius. In dieting terms, a calorie is the amount of energy required to consume the food totally. This makes exercise an important factor in a diet. We want to try to burn more calories than we consume. Most people forget though that their body is a furnace. They over exercise and eventually lose their momentum. Go out for a thirty minute walk once or twice a day. That’s really all the extra exercise you need beyond what your body is already expending on daily routine.
Having patience is the most important part. That extra weight you pinch at the waist didn’t suddenly appear over night. It wont disappear that quickly either. Be patient. The tendency to weigh-in everyday can be crushing for the impatient. One morning, a pound has slipped away. w00t! Then the next morning a couple of pounds have returned. Bastards! The reality is that the body will fluctuate its weight by a couple of pounds everyday. Here’s my weigh-in pattern. Step on the scales in the morning after having used the toilet. After a nights sleep, we have burned a number of calories and lost a volume of water to respiration. Waiting to mount the scales after the morning bio-break means that I am giving myself a chance to see my weight at its lightest. Also, I only record my weight once a week, not daily.
How well has this program worked for me? I lose about a half pound every week. Since last August, I have lost twenty pounds and kept it off. (Some weeks are better than others.) I am only fifteen pounds away from my goal. I think it’s working. What the hell do I need freaking wonder berries for, anyways?
Warning: Links in this article are most likely NSFW.
A couple weeks back, I wrote about the vanity of women. (see Vajazzling: Strange Vanity) I didn’t go for the usual things about breast implants or hair dyes. I looked at the more unusual practices that women use to assuage a shaken ego. It occurred to me though that this isn’t just an issue women face. Men are equally as temperamental about their body image and will seek unusual and even extreme methods. At first, I thought my research would lead me to just pubic grooming techniques and hair coloring. However, it revealed the surgeries and processes that we will endure.
Today men are just as likely to get plastic surgery as women. The field of employable men grows as new members are entering the job market at younger ages and the older members are staying on the market longer. It isn’t unusual for men to get liposuction, eye and chin lifts, and hair implants. All this for the appearance of youth. All this for the ability to say, “I have the experience and I look fit enough to use it.” Beyond the superficial though, men are also want to be perceived as sexually whole and functional. To this end, we seek out any number of remedies. Most amount to snake oil. Some are just silly. Other are just radical.
Not to long ago, I noticed grey hairs in my beard. I wondered how long it would be before that grey showed itself in my pants. There are lines of hair dyes just for men. There are lines for both head and beard hair. Most men a very wary of any chemicals getting to close to their penises. This lead me to the question. “Are there hair dyes for pubic hair?” A quick search gave me the answer. Betty [link] makes a line of pubic hair dyes. Initially targeted for women, this company saw a market in men, too. Now, the Brown Betty and Black Betty hair dyes most men will find useful, but the Pink Betty caught my eye. I imagine my next date doing a double spit take at the reveal of my cotton candied colored bush. Forget the grey hair. Go for the comedic takedown.
Worrying about grey hair just generates more grey hair. What really should be of concern is the rampant hair growth that occurs after turning thirty. I waited for years after turning thirteen before my first chest and pubic hairs to start growing. When the first started to arrive, I new my manhood was around the corner. As I my thirties start to pass me, I realize that my pleasure garden is overgrown. I have hair on my back! The treasure path from my chest to groin is now a field of bramble. This isn’t an uncommon thing among men either. Here we have taken another cue from women and began shaving more than just our beards. I found article after article after article about “manscaping.”
There are three camps of thought around trimming the hedges. The first is the “Porn Star Equivalency” – Denude the body of all hair save the head. In this way, the man will look like any number of Ken-doll lookalikes from current porn films. Look like a porn star naked and have sex like a porn star. The second camp is the “Keep America Beautiful” approach. Instead of trying to deny that growth is occurring, the man only seeks to keep it under control and presentable. The third camp is the “Tree in the Field Corollary.” Ever notice how a tree in the middle of an open field looks taller than a similar tree in the forest? So has every other man. The net effect is that of a forty year old man with a ten year old groin.
A short tree in the field is still a short tree. Men know this, too. Also in on this simple bit of awareness is an entire industry devoted to penis enlargement. Most remedies are snake oil and in some cases dangerous. Penis pumps, if used improperly, can cause vascular damage. Most of the nutraceuticals have not been proven to show any improvements in libido or penis size during clinical testing. “Stretching” or “jelqing” [link] can cause tissue damage or even pull the root of the penis from the pelvis. And the only sure way to extend penis length is surgery and that carries a lot of risks, too. Yet everyday men make appointments with plastic surgeons.
The surgery relies on the knowledge that anywhere from a third to half the penis length is concealed by the body. The corpus cavernosa and corpus spongiosum (the spongey tissues that support an erection) [link]are attached at the pubic arch on the pelvis. The urethra and the blood vessels that supply the penis run along and through these tissues. The surgeon disconnects the root of the penis from the pubic arch, moves it forward, and reattaches it. At most, a man will gain a couple of inches from the surgery. If proper time and attention isn’t given for recovery, there could be permanent erectile issues.
For the record, it needs to be said that the average human penis is between five to seven inches in length when erect. Of the primates, the human penis is the largest in regards to body proportion and overall size. The men in porn films that strut eight or more inches are not the norm of humanity. Women faced with a very large penis will think the same thing men think when faced with very large breasts: “What do I do with all of this?”
Men seeking to correct deficiencies is one thing, but what about men that looking to correct a change made long before they even understood what a penis was? Oh, yes. There are procedures for that, too. The change I am speaking of is circumcision. The practice of circumcision goes back several thousand years. Culturally speaking, the reasons for circumcision are wildly various. It is seen as a sign of a pact with a deity, symbol of virility, and a mark of good hygiene. Clinically, circumcision is the removal of the foreskin from the penis. The age when this removal occurs also varies according to culture.
It wasn’t until the 20th Century that circumcision was practiced as a medical procedure. With the advent of the germ theory, physicians were quick to advise new parents to remove any flap of flesh that could potentially hide dirt. While contemporary studies haven’t found a correlation between the presence of foreskin and overall health, the practice of circumcision is still very high. Worldwide, nearly 30% of males over the age 15 are circumcised. In the US, that number rises to almost 75%. [link]
Since the 70s, there has been a growing thought among men that circumcision has taken something intangible from them without permission and with a great deal of pain [link - YouTube]. Circumcision has not only robbed these men of a ring of flesh, but of sexual sensitivity and satisfaction, and naturalness. The foreskin not only covers the glans, but it contains the ridged ring that contains a large number of nerve endings. Also, covering the glans prevents it from rubbing against clothing while moving and desensitizing the glans in the process.
This reaction to circumcision has lead to the practice of foreskin restoration or reconstruction. Men can opt for surgical and non-surgical methods. Both methods use stretching existing penile skin to induce new cell growth. The surgical methods will use sub-dermal balloons to slowly stretch the skin until it begins to fold and overlap until it covers the glans. Another surgical method begins the same way, but then skin grafts are added to complete the process. Surgical methods are quick but come with risks and drawbacks. Infection is the leading risk, but also failed sutures due to an unplanned erection. The drawbacks of the graft are that the grafted skin may not match in texture and color to the rest of the penis.
The non-surgical methods have fewer risks, but they require more patience. In order to lengthen the skin along the penile shaft, a stretching apparatus has to be used. A slow approach is prudent here. The most popular method is the t-taped method [link]. A ring of medical tape is attached to skin around the circumference of the shaft just anterior of the glans. Then a set of clips that are attached by line to a strap on the leg, waist, or even to weights. The skin is then pulled for extended periods. This is repeated over the course of months until the skin begins to overlap the glans again. An alternate method uses more engineering. The apparatus is called a DTR (Dual Tension Restorer [link - NSFW]) A hard silicone cup attached to rod is placed at the glans’s end. A second pair of cups that travels the rod is used to secure the penile shaft skin. Using rubber bands, the pair of cups is pulled away from glans. Using screws, tension can be set and held.
After all is said and done, men will do as much as women to stave of age, recapture the appearance of youth, and try to recapture what they feel was taken. Somewhere along the line someone has fed all of us lines of bullshit so thick, deep and wide that no one feels that they are normal anymore. We try so very hard to become normal that in the end we look like caricatures of normal.