This past Friday I forgot my brain at work. I really can’t believe that it happened to me. After all, I think my heads screwed on tight enough to keep that slick and wrinkly bugger from slipping out. It happened, none the less. Once home, I cracked open my trusty feed reader to catch up on the day’s news, comics, and general absurdities. An unrelated article had a banner near the top of the page. It spoke of a miracle berry, Acai, that is taking the dieting world by storm.
The problem with the banner is that it suckered me into believing that it was pointing me towards an article from a local paper. Losing weight has been on my brain for several years now, and recently I was making headway. That headway stalled on me. Now frustrated, I found myself reading this article earnestly. It promised that this miracle berry would help shed weight. The “journalist” recounted her results. She lost 25lbs. in a mere four weeks! Astounding. Within a couple of clicks, I had ordered my 30 day trial of this wonder pill made of Acai berries and other mystery ingredients.
I went to bed that night dreaming of shedding my last fifteen pounds. I’d cancel my subscription within the first 14 days and will have spent only $5. Sweet! Then I remembered my Dad doing much the same thing when I was a teenager. That company promised him a watch. What he ended up with was a bill of a couple hundred dollars and a can of individually wrapped vitamin supplements. It took him a couple of weeks of relentlessly calling to get them to cancel his subscription.
Saturday morning, I cranked up Google and searched out product reviews. I also went back to the “article” to look at it more carefully. Most legitimate articles that referenced Acai agreed that there are no specific benefits in this berry, but that added to a good diet and exercise plan the berry can’t hurt. The “article” itself couldn’t stand close scrutiny either. At the top of the page it read “advertorial” which is advertising newspeak for “ad.” This is the full page product ad that is seen in magazines. The ad looks similar in all details like an article. I got suckered.
I went back to the product’s home page and read the terms and conditions. I signed myself up for a $90/month subscription to this wonder berry pill. How completely stupid of me. The happy ending to all of this is that a fifteen minute phone call (most of that time spent waiting for a rep) is all that it cost me to cancel the subscription. Phew!
My desperation to lose the last of this age and negligence weight made me forget that I was on a program that was working and not costing me a dime extra. Here’s the plan folks. Eat less. Eat better. Exercise more. And be patient. Our bodies only need about 2000 to 2500 calories a day to run properly. If you are trying to lose weight, count the calories you are currently taking in. See which foods are your highest contributors. Then look at cutting back/out sweets and shrinking portions of anything else. While I am losing weight, I try to keep intake between 1500 to 2000 calories. Now that the pattern and portions are in place, it’s become habit.
A calorie is a unit energy required to raise one kilogram of water by one degree Celsius. In dieting terms, a calorie is the amount of energy required to consume the food totally. This makes exercise an important factor in a diet. We want to try to burn more calories than we consume. Most people forget though that their body is a furnace. They over exercise and eventually lose their momentum. Go out for a thirty minute walk once or twice a day. That’s really all the extra exercise you need beyond what your body is already expending on daily routine.
Having patience is the most important part. That extra weight you pinch at the waist didn’t suddenly appear over night. It wont disappear that quickly either. Be patient. The tendency to weigh-in everyday can be crushing for the impatient. One morning, a pound has slipped away. w00t! Then the next morning a couple of pounds have returned. Bastards! The reality is that the body will fluctuate its weight by a couple of pounds everyday. Here’s my weigh-in pattern. Step on the scales in the morning after having used the toilet. After a nights sleep, we have burned a number of calories and lost a volume of water to respiration. Waiting to mount the scales after the morning bio-break means that I am giving myself a chance to see my weight at its lightest. Also, I only record my weight once a week, not daily.
How well has this program worked for me? I lose about a half pound every week. Since last August, I have lost twenty pounds and kept it off. (Some weeks are better than others.) I am only fifteen pounds away from my goal. I think it’s working. What the hell do I need freaking wonder berries for, anyways?
Don’t feel bad, I tried that too, my desire to loose weight pulled a fast one on my brain. Thankfully after that I hacked my diet, much in the way that you outline, and now am shedding my tummy little by little. Now I imagine a shriveled little Gene Duvic on the other end of advertising and that usually wards me off
LoL. Happily the days of the Duvic are behind us. Now to get rid of damage that the stress of that time put on our bodies. I imagine it looks something like the bombing of Dresden during WWII.