Warning: Links in this article are most likely NSFW.

A couple weeks back, I wrote about the vanity of women. (see Vajazzling: Strange Vanity) I didn’t go for the usual things about breast implants or hair dyes. I looked at the more unusual practices that women use to assuage a shaken ego. It occurred to me though that this isn’t just an issue women face. Men are equally as temperamental about their body image and will seek unusual and even extreme methods. At first, I thought my research would lead me to just pubic grooming techniques and hair coloring. However, it revealed the surgeries and processes that we will endure.

Today men are just as likely to get plastic surgery as women. The field of employable men grows as new members are entering the job market at younger ages and the older members are staying on the market longer. It isn’t unusual for men to get liposuction, eye and chin lifts, and hair implants. All this for the appearance of youth. All this for the ability to say, “I have the experience and I look fit enough to use it.” Beyond the superficial though, men are also want to be perceived as sexually whole and functional. To this end, we seek out any number of remedies. Most amount to snake oil. Some are just silly. Other are just radical.

Not to long ago, I noticed grey hairs in my beard. I wondered how long it would be before that grey showed itself in my pants. There are lines of hair dyes just for men. There are lines for both head and beard hair. Most men a very wary of any chemicals getting to close to their penises. This lead me to the question. “Are there hair dyes for pubic hair?” A quick search gave me the answer. Betty [link] makes a line of pubic hair dyes. Initially targeted for women, this company saw a market in men, too. Now, the Brown Betty and Black Betty hair dyes most men will find useful, but the Pink Betty caught my eye. I imagine my next date doing a double spit take at the reveal of my cotton candied colored bush. Forget the grey hair. Go for the comedic takedown.

Worrying about grey hair just generates more grey hair. What really should be of concern is the rampant hair growth that occurs after turning thirty. I waited for years after turning thirteen before my first chest and pubic hairs to start growing. When the first started to arrive, I new my manhood was around the corner. As I my thirties start to pass me, I realize that my pleasure garden is overgrown. I have hair on my back! The treasure path from my chest to groin is now a field of bramble. This isn’t an uncommon thing among men either. Here we have taken another cue from women and began shaving more than just our beards. I found article after article after article about “manscaping.”

There are three camps of thought around trimming the hedges. The first is the “Porn Star Equivalency” – Denude the body of all hair save the head. In this way, the man will look like any number of Ken-doll lookalikes from current porn films. Look like a porn star naked and have sex like a porn star. The second camp is the “Keep America Beautiful” approach. Instead of trying to deny that growth is occurring, the man only seeks to keep it under control and presentable. The third camp is the “Tree in the Field Corollary.” Ever notice how a tree in the middle of an open field looks taller than a similar tree in the forest? So has every other man. The net effect is that of a forty year old man with a ten year old groin.

A short tree in the field is still a short tree. Men know this, too. Also in on this simple bit of awareness is an entire industry devoted to penis enlargement. Most remedies are snake oil and in some cases dangerous. Penis pumps, if used improperly, can cause vascular damage. Most of the nutraceuticals have not been proven to show any improvements in libido or penis size during clinical testing. “Stretching” or “jelqing” [link] can cause tissue damage or even pull the root of the penis from the pelvis. And the only sure way to extend penis length is surgery and that carries a lot of risks, too. Yet everyday men make appointments with plastic surgeons.

The surgery relies on the knowledge that anywhere from a third to half the penis length is concealed by the body. The corpus cavernosa and corpus spongiosum (the spongey tissues that support an erection) [link]are attached at the pubic arch on the pelvis. The urethra and the blood vessels that supply the penis run along and through these tissues. The surgeon disconnects the root of the penis from the pubic arch, moves it forward, and reattaches it. At most, a man will gain a couple of inches from the surgery. If proper time and attention isn’t given for recovery, there could be permanent erectile issues.

For the record, it needs to be said that the average human penis is between five to seven inches in length when erect. Of the primates, the human penis is the largest in regards to body proportion and overall size. The men in porn films that strut eight or more inches are not the norm of humanity. Women faced with a very large penis will think the same thing men think when faced with very large breasts: “What do I do with all of this?”

Men seeking to correct deficiencies is one thing, but what about men that looking to correct a change made long before they even understood what a penis was? Oh, yes. There are procedures for that, too. The change I am speaking of is circumcision. The practice of circumcision goes back several thousand years. Culturally speaking, the reasons for circumcision are wildly various. It is seen as a sign of a pact with a deity, symbol of virility, and a mark of good hygiene. Clinically, circumcision is the removal of the foreskin from the penis. The age when this removal occurs also varies according to culture.

It wasn’t until the 20th Century that circumcision was practiced as a medical procedure. With the advent of the germ theory, physicians were quick to advise new parents to remove any flap of flesh that could potentially hide dirt. While contemporary studies haven’t found a correlation between the presence of foreskin and overall health, the practice of circumcision is still very high. Worldwide, nearly 30% of males over the age 15 are circumcised. In the US, that number rises to almost 75%. [link]

Since the 70s, there has been a growing thought among men that circumcision has taken something intangible from them without permission and with a great deal of pain [link - YouTube]. Circumcision has not only robbed these men of a ring of flesh, but of sexual sensitivity and satisfaction, and naturalness. The foreskin not only covers the glans, but it contains the ridged ring that contains a large number of nerve endings. Also, covering the glans prevents it from rubbing against clothing while moving and desensitizing the glans in the process.

This reaction to circumcision has lead to the practice of foreskin restoration or reconstruction. Men can opt for surgical and non-surgical methods. Both methods use stretching existing penile skin to induce new cell growth. The surgical methods will use sub-dermal balloons to slowly stretch the skin until it begins to fold and overlap until it covers the glans. Another surgical method begins the same way, but then skin grafts are added to complete the process. Surgical methods are quick but come with risks and drawbacks. Infection is the leading risk, but also failed sutures due to an unplanned erection. The drawbacks of the graft are that the grafted skin may not match in texture and color to the rest of the penis.

The non-surgical methods have fewer risks, but they require more patience. In order to lengthen the skin along the penile shaft, a stretching apparatus has to be used. A slow approach is prudent here. The most popular method is the t-taped method [link]. A ring of medical tape is attached to skin around the circumference of the shaft just anterior of the glans. Then a set of clips that are attached by line to a strap on the leg, waist, or even to weights. The skin is then pulled for extended periods. This is repeated over the course of months until the skin begins to overlap the glans again. An alternate method uses more engineering. The apparatus is called a DTR (Dual Tension Restorer [link - NSFW]) A hard silicone cup attached to rod is placed at the glans’s end. A second pair of cups that travels the rod is used to secure the penile shaft skin. Using rubber bands, the pair of cups is pulled away from glans. Using screws, tension can be set and held.

After all is said and done, men will do as much as women to stave of age, recapture the appearance of youth, and try to recapture what they feel was taken. Somewhere along the line someone has fed all of us lines of bullshit so thick, deep and wide that no one feels that they are normal anymore. We try so very hard to become normal that in the end we look like caricatures of normal.

link » » Google Search – male pubic hair dye

link » » Manscaping | Betty Beauty, Inc.

link » » Google Search – Male pubic hair grooming

link » » Male Grooming – Pubic Hair Styles – Cosmopolitan.com

link » » Clean Your Balls – Axe – Break.com

link » » “Trend” Alert: Clean-Shaven Balls – Male pubic grooming – Jezebel

link » » My Pubic Hair: Mens Pubic Hair Pictures

link » » Google Search – penus surgery

link » » Wikipedia – Penis enlargement

link » » Penis Enlargement Surgery – Phalloplasty: Beverly Hills Surgical

link » » Penis-enlargement scams: You’re more normal than you think – MayoClinic.com

link » » Google Search – circumcision

link » » Google Search – Foreskin Removal

link » » Wikipedia – Circumcision

link » » Wikipedia – Foreskin restoration

link » » Circumcision – Kids Health

link » » Mothers Against Circumcision

link » » Circumcision Information and Resource Pages

link » » Foreskin Restore

link » » Foreskin Restoration Devices – NORM UK

link » » Foreskin restoration – Circumstitions

link » » FORESKIN RESTORATION – Dr. Harol Reed Centre

Three weeks ago, Jennifer Love Hewitt revealed on the George Lopez Show that her “va-jay-jay” was encrusted with Swarovski crystals. It glitters like a “disco ball” she goes onto say. Jennifer left late-nite TV viewers with a bizarre and indelible image. Her childish reference to her genitals aside, Jennifer also revealed a recent trend in women’s beauty – genital cosmetology.

I first started to become aware of this a couple years ago when I heard that women were having their hymens sown shut again. It’s called “revirginization’, or clinically “hymenoplasty.” From what I have read, women seek this cosmetic surgery to make right some past mistake or wrong. In the case of wrongs, the psychological and physical impact of rape is trauma enough. Couple it with the loss of virginity, not only has a woman lost control, but she has physically and emotionally lost her innocence. In these cases, hymenoplasty can aid in restoring some of what was taken. The women seeking to correct a poor decision though are looking to run back time so that they can give the right person what was given to the wrong person. This is just vanity, isn’t it?

Okay, hymenoplasty and Vajazzling are just two examples. How about two more? First another plastic surgery procedure: Labiaplasty. In this case, the surgery clearly serves vanity. For some women, the labia minor have grown longer than labia major. In other words, the inner labia are not neatly tucked into the outer labia. In a few cases, the difference is extreme and causes deep anxiety. Labiaplasty offers these women an opportunity to feel normal sexually. For other women, labiaplasty is a means to the “perfect pussy”. The line between need and want is thin. One site displays before and after pictures of women that have undergone the surgery. Only a few of these images looked like women in need of the surgery.

The last item on our genital cosmetology tour is a product that most likely came out of the porn industry. It’s called My New Pink Button. My New Pink Button is actually gynecological makeup. This product makes the vaginal opening pinker. Pinker than what, is my question. Like the Jennifer’s crystals, My New Pink Button is purely a vanity product. This feeds a desire to be young and fresh. This is akin to the advent of rouge for the face a cheeks. The appearance of youth. But again, who is going to see this and under what conditions?

Items like My New Pink Button and Vajazzling are only ever going to be seen by a lover or on the set of a porn movie. Neither serves a practical purpose. Both are definitely for vanity and ego. I know that as a man, I am not that aware of either the color nor the decor of a woman’s pussy. My view is often under poor lighting conditions and fogged by hormones. And you may ask my thoughts on another bit of genital cosmetology – shaving. I admit that shaved pubic hair is attractive. However, I like that there be some hair still to be seen and touched. After all, I chose to sleep with a woman, not a girl. It’s the one pure vanity that I feel comfortable with. Besides it is neither introduces new chemicals and doesn’t pose a choking hazard.

link » » Revirginization – Google Search

link » » Repair Your “Down There” – Revirginization with Hymenoplasty – New Trend in Vaginal Surgery

link » » USATODAY.com – Revirginization, Dr. Scholl’s and conservative ice cream

link » » Revirginization | The Frisky

link » » Labiaplasty – Google Search

link » » Labiaplasty – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

link » » Labiaplasty Pictures – Before & After Photos

link » » Labiaplasty | Labia Surgery – cosmetic labia reduction surgery

link » » My New Pink Button

link » » My new pink button – Jezebel

link » » My New Pink Scam

In my previous article [link], I wrote at length about the current g-spot controversy. I’d like to now give my two-bit anecdotal evidence for its existence and methods of enjoyment. I’ll open by saying that I am by no means an expert in this field. This site is my soapbox and I use it as such. My aim is to share something good and useful.

The controversy woke me up and brought to mind my history with the g-spot. I can’t actually tell you when I first learned about it. As a term, it wasn’t coined until 1982, so I can say for certain that it wasn’t before then. Besides, I was twelve at the time. I’d say it would have to be in my late teens, then. My first serious girlfriend and sex partner is the most likely locus for my early g-spot investigations. As the sensitive guy that I was trying to be, I made it a priority to learn what I could about the female erogenous zones.

I committed to memory the placement of the various items that make up a woman’s sex organs. The mons pubis, labia major, labia minor, clitoral hood, clitoris, urethra, vaginal opening, vagina, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries. The g-spot was a magical thing though. Apparently, if touched properly, it could induce a mind blowing orgasm unlike any other. At least, that’s what it said on the book jacket, right? Well, I wasn’t about to neglect this small fleshy area just because it was elusive and its very existence was under contention.

Now men don’t have much patience for things that can’t be seen. After all, most of our awareness is made up from visual stimulus. A clitoris can be seen. Therefore, the clitoris can be properly manipulated to bring on an orgasm. This is what men like. We want a users manual with diagrams of what we will be doing. The g-spot on the other hand is a wily and elusive thing.

It is positioned inside the vagina at approximately 1 to 2 inches on the upper (belly) side. What the biology books don’t show is that from the vaginal opening, the interior of the vagina arches upward just a bit and it can carry the g-spot out of reach of the penis. Normal penetrating sex will just graze this area. However, careful use of the finger tips can find and stimulate the g-spot.

I was surprised and she was delighted that this lovely spot in her vagina did actually exist. G-spot stimulation became a norm in our play. My experience with her set up presumptions that I’d have about future women. First, I thought all women would be as easily stimulated via the g-spot. Second, I thought that all women would by the time I met them be aware that they had a g-spot. Man, was I wrong.

Young and stupid, hopefully, has lead to old and wise. I did learn that women have a wide area of experience when it comes to the g-spot. Like men, women are familiar with what they see. More than one has used a hand mirror to explore and visually inspect. Again, the clitoris is pretty easy to locate. Pull upward on the clitoral hood and there is pleasure button number one. Why worry about a spot about the size of a nickel inside the vagina when there is a much easier to access source of pleasure, right?

The good news is that I knew better early in my sex history. A couple of my lovers were aware of the g-spot and were appreciative of the extra attention I gave it. And still others had heard of it, but their own experiences led them to believe that they didn’t have one. What I learned from all of my lovers is that they all have a g-spot. One description helped me above all to locate the g-spot: a more textured bit of flesh about the size of a nickel and one to two inches inside the vaginal opening. “More textured” gave me something to feel for and I have yet to not locate the g-spot on a woman. However, I also learned that not all women are as sensitive as my first lover was.

One lover never had a vaginal orgasm. For her, the pleasure she derived from penetrative sex came from rough handling and deep fast penetration. Neither of these behaviors am I naturally inclined towards and had to learn for the sake of our sex life. From her, I acquired a bit of a kink streak. As a balance, I asked if we could see if we could teach her body to be more sensitive to vaginal intercourse. G-spot stimulation was our starting point.

Every woman responds differently to g-spot stimulation. Some will find it immediately and intensely pleasurable. While others will find that stimulating the g-spot is uncomfortable and even painful. To understand why, we need to know what we are stimulating. The g-spot is actually a cluster of nerves that surround the urethra along its length. The separation between the anterior (belly side) of the vagina and the urethra is very thin. The nerves come in close contact with the vagina. Along the anterior side of the vagina there is a very textured bit of vaginal wall. This is where the separation is thinnest and most sensitive.

When pressure is applied to this area some women may feel a sensation similar to the urge to urinate. This is where delicacy is a must. Social conventions will make this sensation uncomfortable. As mentioned above, if too much pressure is applied too quickly, the sensation can be quite painful. The rule of thumb with g-spot stimulation is to begin gently and slowly. Use one or two fingers and stroke with a come hither upward curl of the fingers. Also, don’t focus all of the contact on the g-spot. Don’t forget that there is another hand and a mouth to spare. This is supposed to be fun, right?

With the woman I mentioned above, I kept my touch as subtle as possible. The object for us was to awaken the nerves in her vagina and help her to become more aware of their responses to stimulation. Over time, we were able to increase pressure and frequency. And because we didn’t spend all of our time on the g-spot her body was able to associate its sensations with her general pleasure. And I am proud to say, that she began to have incredible orgasms from softer penetrating sex. (This doesn’t mean we dispensed with the rougher play. That was fun in its way, too.)

One thing that researchers seem to forget when choosing their sample pools is that we are all different. We do not come from the same mothers and fathers. None of our sexual experiences are exactly the same. Yet they still attempt to homogenized human experience so that it will fit their data. The truth is completely the opposite. The generalities of human sexuality are so completely general as to make any study meaningless. What I just wrote above worked for me because of a little learning, some patience, a willingness to try and more importantly a willingness to move on if what I tried wasn’t working.

-vita brevis sic lasivious nuda- Life’s short. Play naked.

Last week, a new medical study caused a big stir in the world of sex. A group of scientists from Kings College UK claimed that they proved conclusively that the g-spot doesn’t exist. The debate on the existence of the g-spot has been open since Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg declared:

An erotic zone always could be demonstrated on the anterior wall of the vagina along the course of the urethra.
The Role of Urethra in Female Orgasm, International Journal of Sexology 1950

While Gräfenberg didn’t coin the term “g-spot”, he was the first to observe this Holy Grail of pleasure points. Dr. Beverly Whipple and her colleagues would publish their findings confirming the existence of the g-spot in 1982’s The G-Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality. With the door supposedly closed on the subject, a market for self-help guides and sexual aids opened up. Everyone came out of the woodwork to proclaim that they knew how to best locate and stimulate this highly responsive patch of flesh. Any time a new study about the g-spot surfaces, the study grabs media attention. The Kings College study is no different.

Genetic and Environmental Influences on self-reported G-Spots in Women: A Twin Study is the largest study of its kind. Some 4625 questionnaires were mailed out to twin female UK residents. 1875 responded to the questionnaire. 71 responses were eliminated because the researchers felt that these would skew the results (I’ll come back to this later). The choice of twins (both maternal and paternal) was intended to show a biological link. The researchers’ hypothesis was that there should be more agreement in the responses between maternal twins than paternal twins because maternal twins are genetically identical. Their conclusion was that no such agreement existed, therefore the g-spot does not exist.

The findings of this study are as controversial as the studies that declared the g-spot’s existence. Two items to be looked at are methodology, and the reasons for eliminating certain responses. The self-reporting nature of the questionnaire format is tricky to analyze. Questions should show no bias toward outcome. One question reads:

Do you believe you have a so called G spot, a small areas the size of a 20p coin on the front wall of your vagina that is sensitive to deep pressure?

Here, terms like “so called”, “size of a 20p coin” (about the size of a US nickel), and “sensitive to deep pressure” can lead a respondent to mark ‘no’ on the questionnaire simply because this does not match their personal experience.

Then there are the respondents that were eliminated from the pool. Those women that “reported they were homo or bisexual were excluded from the study because of the common use of digital stimulation among theses women, which may bias the results. Also excluded were women who had never engaged in vaginal intercourse.” This action biases the entire study toward heterosexual couples engaging in penile penetration sex only. This, in and of itself, should invalidate the study. First, back to the description of the g-spot:

“a sensitive area felt through the front (anterior, belly-side) wall of the vagina about halfway between the level of the pubic bone and the cervix (along the course of the urethra).”
The G-Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality, Dr. Beverly Whipple

The g-spot is located within one to two inches from the vaginal opening. A penis penetrating deeper than this is only rubbing the shaft on this area. A woman might not feel stimulation at the g-spot at all. As a matter of fact, Dr. Whipple suggests that “The easiest way to stimulate the G-spot is by using two fingers inserted into the vagina with a come-here motion…” meaning that the piston-like motion of man-on-top sex may not always induce a g-spot orgasm. The respondents that would have greatest experience with locating and stimulating the g-spot are those that are most likely to engage in alternative stimulation like the use of digits or devices. In other words, lesbians and bisexual women!

Okay, it’s plain to see that I don’t agree with the finding of the Kings College researchers. Ultimately, the researchers defended their findings by saying “It is rather irresponsible to claim the existence of an entity that has never been proven and pressurise women and men too.” However, if the methods of disproving a hypothesis are negligent or too narrow, is that not as irresponsible? Since the suggestion that the g-spot existed, men and women have been under pressure to locate and stimulate it. The rafts of guides and gizmos have done little to ease the anxiety for those that feel they can’t find it. The negative outcomes make people self-concious of their abilities and physiologies. What’s wrong with me? Don’t I have a g-spot like every other woman? Why am I unable to find her g-spot? It’s unfair and irresponsible for the so-called ’sexperts’ to proclaim that anyone can enjoy the same pleasures as their neighbors. Their advice is only true if all of us were born from the same parents and lived exactly the same lives.

It’s also irresponsible to invalidate all of the anecdotal evidence that shows that there is a spot inside of the vagina that is more sensitive than the surrounding tissue. The fact that not all women respond the same is marker of diversity. That’s all. To narrow the sample pool to a narrow band of experience is to disavow the rest of the spectrum. Rather than trying to be right, researchers should be trying to find ways to either help women increase sensitivity or learn how to just not worry. Everybody’s pleasure points are different.

Some of my resources:

link » » Where have all the g-spots gone? by Dr. Petra Boynton

link » » The Role of the Urethra in Female Orgasm by Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg

link » » The G-Spot Revisited by Dr. Betty Dodson

link » » Err on a G-spot By Tom Geoghegan

link » » Scientists claimed it was the mysterious key to sexual fulfilment. Now they say the G-spot doesn’t exist. Oh well, at least we enjoyed searching for it by Linda Kelsey

link » » i’m in ur internets findin’ ur g-spots… by Violet Blue

link » » gspot by Violet Blue

link » » Yes, there is a G-Spot by Rachel Kramer Russel

link » » Finding the G-spot: Is it real? by Elizabeth Landau

link » » The G-spot ‘doesn’t appear to exist’, say researchers (no byline)

link » » Female G-spot ‘can be detected’ (no byline)

This little toy from OhMiBod would be wrapped in pretty paper and given on a Wednesday! This is just the coolest idea for a sex toy. The hum of the vibe is quieted by her favorite music. In the meantime, the world gets to hear her pleasure.

The premise of the toy is simple. Audio output from your MP3 player controls the rhythm and sustain of the vibrations coming from OhMiBod. Turn on the gadgets, select a favorite playlist, and then let the rhythms do the work.
Read more here »

Admittedly, it’s been a long time since I did any kind of regular dating. There’s a lot of reasons for it. Cowardice and laziness are on the list, but I have to put uncomfortable silences punctuated by inappropriate choice of words high up there on why I don’t enjoy the beginning of courtships. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been told that I am a romantic, good looking, and funny. I do pretty well after the first few days are past. However, I’d like to skip those and just get right into the fun of it.
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A friend asked me if I had been back to Delilah after the session I discussed in earlier posts. [post 1, post 2, post 3, and post 4] The answer is yes. I went back to Delilah twice and might still be visiting her if I hadn’t become aware of a change in me. The change has nothing to do with morality or awareness of exploitation or any other thing that might breed guilt and shame. I had two reasons for not returning to Delilah. One practical and easy. The other emotional and very messy.

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I happened on a story about a sex toy website that was catching some flack. Being the liberal minded man that I am, I figured that the site was catching the usual rhetoric from some conservative christian group. This was true, but I was surprised to learn that the sex toy store was oriented to supply Christians. I had to see this.Here’s the original story: The Star

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I am thankful for my time with Delilah. She snapped me back to a mode of thinking that I had neglected for years. So much time was wrapped up in bills, reflecting on the past, staring into the future, and just tuning out so that I lost sight of the present. One way to focus on the present is being aware of sensations.

Read more here »

What a couple of weeks this has been. If you are frequent visitor, then you have read about Delilah. My encounter with her was only a week ago this past Friday. This Saturday, I indulged in a proper massage from Sierra and the Kinky Carnival.

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