A couple weeks back, I wrote about the vanity of women. (see Vajazzling: Strange Vanity) I didn’t go for the usual things about breast implants or hair dyes. I looked at the more unusual practices that women use to assuage a shaken ego. It occurred to me though that this isn’t just an issue women face. Men are equally as temperamental about their body image and will seek unusual and even extreme methods. At first, I thought my research would lead me to just pubic grooming techniques and hair coloring. However, it revealed the surgeries and processes that we will endure.

Today men are just as likely to get plastic surgery as women. The field of employable men grows as new members are entering the job market at younger ages and the older members are staying on the market longer. It isn’t unusual for men to get liposuction, eye and chin lifts, and hair implants. All this for the appearance of youth. All this for the ability to say, “I have the experience and I look fit enough to use it.” Beyond the superficial though, men are also want to be perceived as sexually whole and functional. To this end, we seek out any number of remedies. Most amount to snake oil. Some are just silly. Other are just radical.

Not to long ago, I noticed grey hairs in my beard. I wondered how long it would be before that grey showed itself in my pants. There are lines of hair dyes just for men. There are lines for both head and beard hair. Most men a very wary of any chemicals getting to close to their penises. This lead me to the question. “Are there hair dyes for pubic hair?” A quick search gave me the answer. Betty [link] makes a line of pubic hair dyes. Initially targeted for women, this company saw a market in men, too. Now, the Brown Betty and Black Betty hair dyes most men will find useful, but the Pink Betty caught my eye. I imagine my next date doing a double spit take at the reveal of my cotton candied colored bush. Forget the grey hair. Go for the comedic takedown.

Worrying about grey hair just generates more grey hair. What really should be of concern is the rampant hair growth that occurs after turning thirty. I waited for years after turning thirteen before my first chest and pubic hairs to start growing. When the first started to arrive, I new my manhood was around the corner. As I my thirties start to pass me, I realize that my pleasure garden is overgrown. I have hair on my back! The treasure path from my chest to groin is now a field of bramble. This isn’t an uncommon thing among men either. Here we have taken another cue from women and began shaving more than just our beards. I found article after article after article about “manscaping.”

There are three camps of thought around trimming the hedges. The first is the “Porn Star Equivalency” – Denude the body of all hair save the head. In this way, the man will look like any number of Ken-doll lookalikes from current porn films. Look like a porn star naked and have sex like a porn star. The second camp is the “Keep America Beautiful” approach. Instead of trying to deny that growth is occurring, the man only seeks to keep it under control and presentable. The third camp is the “Tree in the Field Corollary.” Ever notice how a tree in the middle of an open field looks taller than a similar tree in the forest? So has every other man. The net effect is that of a forty year old man with a ten year old groin.

A short tree in the field is still a short tree. Men know this, too. Also in on this simple bit of awareness is an entire industry devoted to penis enlargement. Most remedies are snake oil and in some cases dangerous. Penis pumps, if used improperly, can cause vascular damage. Most of the nutraceuticals have not been proven to show any improvements in libido or penis size during clinical testing. “Stretching” or “jelqing” [link] can cause tissue damage or even pull the root of the penis from the pelvis. And the only sure way to extend penis length is surgery and that carries a lot of risks, too. Yet everyday men make appointments with plastic surgeons.

The surgery relies on the knowledge that anywhere from a third to half the penis length is concealed by the body. The corpus cavernosa and corpus spongiosum (the spongey tissues that support an erection) [link]are attached at the pubic arch on the pelvis. The urethra and the blood vessels that supply the penis run along and through these tissues. The surgeon disconnects the root of the penis from the pubic arch, moves it forward, and reattaches it. At most, a man will gain a couple of inches from the surgery. If proper time and attention isn’t given for recovery, there could be permanent erectile issues.

For the record, it needs to be said that the average human penis is between five to seven inches in length when erect. Of the primates, the human penis is the largest in regards to body proportion and overall size. The men in porn films that strut eight or more inches are not the norm of humanity. Women faced with a very large penis will think the same thing men think when faced with very large breasts: “What do I do with all of this?”

Men seeking to correct deficiencies is one thing, but what about men that looking to correct a change made long before they even understood what a penis was? Oh, yes. There are procedures for that, too. The change I am speaking of is circumcision. The practice of circumcision goes back several thousand years. Culturally speaking, the reasons for circumcision are wildly various. It is seen as a sign of a pact with a deity, symbol of virility, and a mark of good hygiene. Clinically, circumcision is the removal of the foreskin from the penis. The age when this removal occurs also varies according to culture.

It wasn’t until the 20th Century that circumcision was practiced as a medical procedure. With the advent of the germ theory, physicians were quick to advise new parents to remove any flap of flesh that could potentially hide dirt. While contemporary studies haven’t found a correlation between the presence of foreskin and overall health, the practice of circumcision is still very high. Worldwide, nearly 30% of males over the age 15 are circumcised. In the US, that number rises to almost 75%. [link]

Since the 70s, there has been a growing thought among men that circumcision has taken something intangible from them without permission and with a great deal of pain [link - YouTube]. Circumcision has not only robbed these men of a ring of flesh, but of sexual sensitivity and satisfaction, and naturalness. The foreskin not only covers the glans, but it contains the ridged ring that contains a large number of nerve endings. Also, covering the glans prevents it from rubbing against clothing while moving and desensitizing the glans in the process.

This reaction to circumcision has lead to the practice of foreskin restoration or reconstruction. Men can opt for surgical and non-surgical methods. Both methods use stretching existing penile skin to induce new cell growth. The surgical methods will use sub-dermal balloons to slowly stretch the skin until it begins to fold and overlap until it covers the glans. Another surgical method begins the same way, but then skin grafts are added to complete the process. Surgical methods are quick but come with risks and drawbacks. Infection is the leading risk, but also failed sutures due to an unplanned erection. The drawbacks of the graft are that the grafted skin may not match in texture and color to the rest of the penis.

The non-surgical methods have fewer risks, but they require more patience. In order to lengthen the skin along the penile shaft, a stretching apparatus has to be used. A slow approach is prudent here. The most popular method is the t-taped method [link]. A ring of medical tape is attached to skin around the circumference of the shaft just anterior of the glans. Then a set of clips that are attached by line to a strap on the leg, waist, or even to weights. The skin is then pulled for extended periods. This is repeated over the course of months until the skin begins to overlap the glans again. An alternate method uses more engineering. The apparatus is called a DTR (Dual Tension Restorer [link - NSFW]) A hard silicone cup attached to rod is placed at the glans’s end. A second pair of cups that travels the rod is used to secure the penile shaft skin. Using rubber bands, the pair of cups is pulled away from glans. Using screws, tension can be set and held.

After all is said and done, men will do as much as women to stave of age, recapture the appearance of youth, and try to recapture what they feel was taken. Somewhere along the line someone has fed all of us lines of bullshit so thick, deep and wide that no one feels that they are normal anymore. We try so very hard to become normal that in the end we look like caricatures of normal.

link » » Google Search – male pubic hair dye

link » » Manscaping | Betty Beauty, Inc.

link » » Google Search – Male pubic hair grooming

link » » Male Grooming – Pubic Hair Styles – Cosmopolitan.com

link » » Clean Your Balls – Axe – Break.com

link » » “Trend” Alert: Clean-Shaven Balls – Male pubic grooming – Jezebel

link » » My Pubic Hair: Mens Pubic Hair Pictures

link » » Google Search – penus surgery

link » » Wikipedia – Penis enlargement

link » » Penis Enlargement Surgery – Phalloplasty: Beverly Hills Surgical

link » » Penis-enlargement scams: You’re more normal than you think – MayoClinic.com

link » » Google Search – circumcision

link » » Google Search – Foreskin Removal

link » » Wikipedia – Circumcision

link » » Wikipedia – Foreskin restoration

link » » Circumcision – Kids Health

link » » Mothers Against Circumcision

link » » Circumcision Information and Resource Pages

link » » Foreskin Restore

link » » Foreskin Restoration Devices – NORM UK

link » » Foreskin restoration – Circumstitions

link » » FORESKIN RESTORATION – Dr. Harol Reed Centre

Three weeks ago, Jennifer Love Hewitt revealed on the George Lopez Show that her “va-jay-jay” was encrusted with Swarovski crystals. It glitters like a “disco ball” she goes onto say. Jennifer left late-nite TV viewers with a bizarre and indelible image. Her childish reference to her genitals aside, Jennifer also revealed a recent trend in women’s beauty – genital cosmetology.

I first started to become aware of this a couple years ago when I heard that women were having their hymens sown shut again. It’s called “revirginization’, or clinically “hymenoplasty.” From what I have read, women seek this cosmetic surgery to make right some past mistake or wrong. In the case of wrongs, the psychological and physical impact of rape is trauma enough. Couple it with the loss of virginity, not only has a woman lost control, but she has physically and emotionally lost her innocence. In these cases, hymenoplasty can aid in restoring some of what was taken. The women seeking to correct a poor decision though are looking to run back time so that they can give the right person what was given to the wrong person. This is just vanity, isn’t it?

Okay, hymenoplasty and Vajazzling are just two examples. How about two more? First another plastic surgery procedure: Labiaplasty. In this case, the surgery clearly serves vanity. For some women, the labia minor have grown longer than labia major. In other words, the inner labia are not neatly tucked into the outer labia. In a few cases, the difference is extreme and causes deep anxiety. Labiaplasty offers these women an opportunity to feel normal sexually. For other women, labiaplasty is a means to the “perfect pussy”. The line between need and want is thin. One site displays before and after pictures of women that have undergone the surgery. Only a few of these images looked like women in need of the surgery.

The last item on our genital cosmetology tour is a product that most likely came out of the porn industry. It’s called My New Pink Button. My New Pink Button is actually gynecological makeup. This product makes the vaginal opening pinker. Pinker than what, is my question. Like the Jennifer’s crystals, My New Pink Button is purely a vanity product. This feeds a desire to be young and fresh. This is akin to the advent of rouge for the face a cheeks. The appearance of youth. But again, who is going to see this and under what conditions?

Items like My New Pink Button and Vajazzling are only ever going to be seen by a lover or on the set of a porn movie. Neither serves a practical purpose. Both are definitely for vanity and ego. I know that as a man, I am not that aware of either the color nor the decor of a woman’s pussy. My view is often under poor lighting conditions and fogged by hormones. And you may ask my thoughts on another bit of genital cosmetology – shaving. I admit that shaved pubic hair is attractive. However, I like that there be some hair still to be seen and touched. After all, I chose to sleep with a woman, not a girl. It’s the one pure vanity that I feel comfortable with. Besides it is neither introduces new chemicals and doesn’t pose a choking hazard.

link » » Revirginization – Google Search

link » » Repair Your “Down There” – Revirginization with Hymenoplasty – New Trend in Vaginal Surgery

link » » USATODAY.com – Revirginization, Dr. Scholl’s and conservative ice cream

link » » Revirginization | The Frisky

link » » Labiaplasty – Google Search

link » » Labiaplasty – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

link » » Labiaplasty Pictures – Before & After Photos

link » » Labiaplasty | Labia Surgery – cosmetic labia reduction surgery

link » » My New Pink Button

link » » My new pink button – Jezebel

link » » My New Pink Scam

The controversy woke me up and brought to mind my history with the g-spot. I can’t actually tell you when I first learned about it. As a term, it wasn’t coined until 1982, so I can say for certain that it wasn’t before then. Besides, I was twelve at the time. I’d say it would have to be in my late teens, then. My first serious girlfriend and sex partner is the most likely locus for my early g-spot investigations. As the sensitive guy that I was trying to be, I made it a priority to learn what I could about the female erogenous zones.

I committed to memory the placement of the various items that make up a woman’s sex organs. The mons pubis, labia major, labia minor, clitoral hood, clitoris, urethra, vaginal opening, vagina, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries. The g-spot was a magical thing though. Apparently, if touched properly, it could induce a mind blowing orgasm unlike any other. At least, that’s what it said on the book jacket, right? Well, I wasn’t about to neglect this small fleshy area just because it was elusive and its very existence was under contention.

Now men don’t have much patience for things that can’t be seen. After all, most of our awareness is made up from visual stimulus. A clitoris can be seen. Therefore, the clitoris can be properly manipulated to bring on an orgasm. This is what men like. We want a users manual with diagrams of what we will be doing. The g-spot on the other hand is a wily and elusive thing.

It is positioned inside the vagina at approximately 1 to 2 inches on the upper (belly) side. What the biology books don’t show is that from the vaginal opening, the interior of the vagina arches upward just a bit and it can carry the g-spot out of reach of the penis. Normal penetrating sex will just graze this area. However, careful use of the finger tips can find and stimulate the g-spot.

I was surprised and she was delighted that this lovely spot in her vagina did actually exist. G-spot stimulation became a norm in our play. My experience with her set up presumptions that I’d have about future women. First, I thought all women would be as easily stimulated via the g-spot. Second, I thought that all women would by the time I met them be aware that they had a g-spot. Man, was I wrong.

Young and stupid, hopefully, has lead to old and wise. I did learn that women have a wide area of experience when it comes to the g-spot. Like men, women are familiar with what they see. More than one has used a hand mirror to explore and visually inspect. Again, the clitoris is pretty easy to locate. Pull upward on the clitoral hood and there is pleasure button number one. Why worry about a spot about the size of a nickel inside the vagina when there is a much easier to access source of pleasure, right?

The good news is that I knew better early in my sex history. A couple of my lovers were aware of the g-spot and were appreciative of the extra attention I gave it. And still others had heard of it, but their own experiences led them to believe that they didn’t have one. What I learned from all of my lovers is that they all have a g-spot. One description helped me above all to locate the g-spot: a more textured bit of flesh about the size of a nickel and one to two inches inside the vaginal opening. “More textured” gave me something to feel for and I have yet to not locate the g-spot on a woman. However, I also learned that not all women are as sensitive as my first lover was.

One lover never had a vaginal orgasm. For her, the pleasure she derived from penetrative sex came from rough handling and deep fast penetration. Neither of these behaviors am I naturally inclined towards and had to learn for the sake of our sex life. From her, I acquired a bit of a kink streak. As a balance, I asked if we could see if we could teach her body to be more sensitive to vaginal intercourse. G-spot stimulation was our starting point.

Every woman responds differently to g-spot stimulation. Some will find it immediately and intensely pleasurable. While others will find that stimulating the g-spot is uncomfortable and even painful. To understand why, we need to know what we are stimulating. The g-spot is actually a cluster of nerves that surround the urethra along its length. The separation between the anterior (belly side) of the vagina and the urethra is very thin. The nerves come in close contact with the vagina. Along the anterior side of the vagina there is a very textured bit of vaginal wall. This is where the separation is thinnest and most sensitive.

When pressure is applied to this area some women may feel a sensation similar to the urge to urinate. This is where delicacy is a must. Social conventions will make this sensation uncomfortable. As mentioned above, if too much pressure is applied too quickly, the sensation can be quite painful. The rule of thumb with g-spot stimulation is to begin gently and slowly. Use one or two fingers and stroke with a come hither upward curl of the fingers. Also, don’t focus all of the contact on the g-spot. Don’t forget that there is another hand and a mouth to spare. This is supposed to be fun, right?

With the woman I mentioned above, I kept my touch as subtle as possible. The object for us was to awaken the nerves in her vagina and help her to become more aware of their responses to stimulation. Over time, we were able to increase pressure and frequency. And because we didn’t spend all of our time on the g-spot her body was able to associate its sensations with her general pleasure. And I am proud to say, that she began to have incredible orgasms from softer penetrating sex. (This doesn’t mean we dispensed with the rougher play. That was fun in its way, too.)

One thing that researchers seem to forget when choosing their sample pools is that we are all different. We do not come from the same mothers and fathers. None of our sexual experiences are exactly the same. Yet they still attempt to homogenized human experience so that it will fit their data. The truth is completely the opposite. The generalities of human sexuality are so completely general as to make any study meaningless. What I just wrote above worked for me because of a little learning, some patience, a willingness to try and more importantly a willingness to move on if what I tried wasn’t working.

-vita brevis sic lasivious nuda- Life’s short. Play naked.

An erotic zone always could be demonstrated on the anterior wall of the vagina along the course of the urethra.
The Role of Urethra in Female Orgasm, International Journal of Sexology 1950

While Gräfenberg didn’t coin the term “g-spot”, he was the first to observe this Holy Grail of pleasure points. Dr. Beverly Whipple and her colleagues would publish their findings confirming the existence of the g-spot in 1982′s The G-Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality. With the door supposedly closed on the subject, a market for self-help guides and sexual aids opened up. Everyone came out of the woodwork to proclaim that they knew how to best locate and stimulate this highly responsive patch of flesh. Any time a new study about the g-spot surfaces, the study grabs media attention. The Kings College study is no different.

Genetic and Environmental Influences on self-reported G-Spots in Women: A Twin Study is the largest study of its kind. Some 4625 questionnaires were mailed out to twin female UK residents. 1875 responded to the questionnaire. 71 responses were eliminated because the researchers felt that these would skew the results (I’ll come back to this later). The choice of twins (both maternal and paternal) was intended to show a biological link. The researchers’ hypothesis was that there should be more agreement in the responses between maternal twins than paternal twins because maternal twins are genetically identical. Their conclusion was that no such agreement existed, therefore the g-spot does not exist.

The findings of this study are as controversial as the studies that declared the g-spot’s existence. Two items to be looked at are methodology, and the reasons for eliminating certain responses. The self-reporting nature of the questionnaire format is tricky to analyze. Questions should show no bias toward outcome. One question reads:

Do you believe you have a so called G spot, a small areas the size of a 20p coin on the front wall of your vagina that is sensitive to deep pressure?

Here, terms like “so called”, “size of a 20p coin” (about the size of a US nickel), and “sensitive to deep pressure” can lead a respondent to mark ‘no’ on the questionnaire simply because this does not match their personal experience.

Then there are the respondents that were eliminated from the pool. Those women that “reported they were homo or bisexual were excluded from the study because of the common use of digital stimulation among theses women, which may bias the results. Also excluded were women who had never engaged in vaginal intercourse.” This action biases the entire study toward heterosexual couples engaging in penile penetration sex only. This, in and of itself, should invalidate the study. First, back to the description of the g-spot:

“a sensitive area felt through the front (anterior, belly-side) wall of the vagina about halfway between the level of the pubic bone and the cervix (along the course of the urethra).”
The G-Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality, Dr. Beverly Whipple

The g-spot is located within one to two inches from the vaginal opening. A penis penetrating deeper than this is only rubbing the shaft on this area. A woman might not feel stimulation at the g-spot at all. As a matter of fact, Dr. Whipple suggests that “The easiest way to stimulate the G-spot is by using two fingers inserted into the vagina with a come-here motion…” meaning that the piston-like motion of man-on-top sex may not always induce a g-spot orgasm. The respondents that would have greatest experience with locating and stimulating the g-spot are those that are most likely to engage in alternative stimulation like the use of digits or devices. In other words, lesbians and bisexual women!

Okay, it’s plain to see that I don’t agree with the finding of the Kings College researchers. Ultimately, the researchers defended their findings by saying “It is rather irresponsible to claim the existence of an entity that has never been proven and pressurise women and men too.” However, if the methods of disproving a hypothesis are negligent or too narrow, is that not as irresponsible? Since the suggestion that the g-spot existed, men and women have been under pressure to locate and stimulate it. The rafts of guides and gizmos have done little to ease the anxiety for those that feel they can’t find it. The negative outcomes make people self-concious of their abilities and physiologies. What’s wrong with me? Don’t I have a g-spot like every other woman? Why am I unable to find her g-spot? It’s unfair and irresponsible for the so-called ‘sexperts’ to proclaim that anyone can enjoy the same pleasures as their neighbors. Their advice is only true if all of us were born from the same parents and lived exactly the same lives.

It’s also irresponsible to invalidate all of the anecdotal evidence that shows that there is a spot inside of the vagina that is more sensitive than the surrounding tissue. The fact that not all women respond the same is marker of diversity. That’s all. To narrow the sample pool to a narrow band of experience is to disavow the rest of the spectrum. Rather than trying to be right, researchers should be trying to find ways to either help women increase sensitivity or learn how to just not worry. Everybody’s pleasure points are different.

Some of my resources:

link » » Where have all the g-spots gone? by Dr. Petra Boynton

link » » The Role of the Urethra in Female Orgasm by Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg

link » » The G-Spot Revisited by Dr. Betty Dodson

link » » Err on a G-spot By Tom Geoghegan

link » » Scientists claimed it was the mysterious key to sexual fulfilment. Now they say the G-spot doesn’t exist. Oh well, at least we enjoyed searching for it by Linda Kelsey

link » » i’m in ur internets findin’ ur g-spots… by Violet Blue

link » » gspot by Violet Blue

link » » Yes, there is a G-Spot by Rachel Kramer Russel

link » » Finding the G-spot: Is it real? by Elizabeth Landau

link » » The G-spot ‘doesn’t appear to exist’, say researchers (no byline)

link » » Female G-spot ‘can be detected’ (no byline)

The premise of the toy is simple. Audio output from your MP3 player controls the rhythm and sustain of the vibrations coming from OhMiBod. Turn on the gadgets, select a favorite playlist, and then let the rhythms do the work.

Here’s the pitch from the site:

OhMiBod is a sleek, sophisticated new generation of vibrator that combines elegance of design with the excitement of your favorite music. The audio enabled integrated microchip allows the OhMiBod ipod massager to vibrate to the beat and rhythm of your music while you listen. Measures 5 1/2″ long (insertable) and 1 1/8″ in diameter. OhMiBod comes with an additional multi-speed endcap for use without an iPod or music player. It really is 2 products in one! Our motor provides strong yet quiet, intense rhythmic vibrations. With polished chrome detail and pearl white body this product is the ultimate iPod acsexsory!

Why is the music component so important? Listening to your favorite sexy music and actually feeling the corresponding vibes quickly transports you to a place where music, mind and body truly “come” together. The range and intensity of the vibrations are endless, creating a dynamically sensational experience never felt before!

Of course, this begs the question: “What’s on your iPod?” music choice is going to be very important. Will you choose heavy base rhythms found in Techno or House music? (Bed rave!) Or do want a slow build up like you might find Ravel’s Bolero? The sweet part, I suppose will be the experimentation.

Women will be creating new associations with music. When pleasure is the reward for sensations that didn’t previously have pleasure associated, then that sensation is more enjoyable later. Not to mention that sensation now has a new context. In other words, a woman may not like House or Techno before the OhMiBod, but after it a song on the radio is going to bring a euphoric grin to her mouth.

But it can’t be that way. All first dates are going to be awkward train wrecks. The first dates are loaded with a myriad of questions like where’s your family from, what do you do for a living, what are your passions, &tc. Then there are the unasked questions: what do you look like naked, are you a good kisser, and do you know how to give a decent massage? It’s the tension between cerebral and animal interests that make the first date such a rough ride. If we could get a bunch of that out of the way, then those first dates might go much easier.

I’m not proposing that people should just strip naked and bump uglies on the first date. Not at all. If two people are serious about finding the right match, then they should have all of the information and take their time. What needs to happen is for people to get out of their own ways and past the discomforts of first dates. Here’s a good first date analogy: First dates are like slowly pulling off Band-Aids®. We all know that things go smoother when you get the painful bit out of the way fast. My idea is pretty simple: couples bath. I know it sounds stupid, but keep reading. I think I can show that this could be a good idea.

Here’s the scenario: A couple meet for their first date at a bath club. Couples have private rooms. There are no separate dressing spaces. Couples undress each other. The bath is very warm. The lights are low. Maybe a candle or two. After undressing, the couple slip into the tub. The couple will spend the bath soaping and scrubbing each other. Questions about how the other looks naked are already answered. As a matter of fact, the idea at this point is to be the best bathing buddy possible. Make sure the back is fully washed. Hit the nooks and crannies.

While trying to distract themselves from their situation, the couple engages in meaningful conversation. Those usual first date questions still have their place. As a matter of fact they are probably more important now. In a bath tub you really come to know a person. So long as the intention is familiarity rather than humping, the bath date can be very productive.

Here’s what can be learned on a bath date:

• Family history
• Employment
• Passions
• Hand/eye coordination
• Attention to detail
• What’s under the clothes
• How well one knows how to navigate human anatomy

Sure, this plan has holes. Huge holes. It requires people to give up their prurient notions about naked bodies and shame. Another notion that needs to be dropped is that a man and a woman naked equals sex. This is especially important for men. We are told most of our lives to keep it in our pants. A first date in a bath tub definitely means that it’s not in our pants anymore. If we remember that then the rewards will be substantial.

I’ll get to the practical reason immediately. Time with Delilah is expensive. Worth every penny, but expensive. Quitting my job and running out of the funds I set aside for time with Delilah played a big role in my decision. However, I have to say that money wasn’t playing the largest part in my decision.

After my second session with Delilah, I noticed that she lingered on my mind. More than I expected. More over, I noticed a shift in my attitude toward our sessions. I wasn’t content with being a passive receiver of her attention and energy. I wanted to reciprocate. If that wasn’t bad enough, I was getting interested in her personally. The combination of these things just make for a bad situation between people who exchange pleasure for money.

Delilah’s methods place her in control of the session. When she says,”I am here for you,” she means that she is able to maintain her composure by focusing the entire session on her clients needs. This alleviates the client from feeling obligated to reciprocate the pleasure received. More importantly, the client is being gently told that any attempts to try to precipitate the session into sex will be rebuffed. Ultimately, the client may lose all privileges with Delilah if he (or she) persists. Delilah wanted to be sure all touch from her clients had an open agenda that led back to the client’s needs and not to a fantasy concocted by the client.

If Delilah was purely a sex worker who only exchanged pleasure for money and didn’t have a spiritual component to her intentions, then objectifying her would be easy. More importantly, I would have lost interest in her quickly. Delilah as an object is a novelty. Delilah as a person, on the other hand, is a real interest. The problem comes from the situation that the interest evolved in. There can be no personal relationship between client and provider. It can cause so many other issues and lead to misappropriated emotions.

The second and third sessions followed the formula of the first session: greeting – bath – massage – release – relax – shower – exit. The main difference is that Delilah and I conversed more and there was less spiritual exposition. We just relaxed into the pattern and remarked on the subtle differences. We played more and attempted to do some things less.

During the second session while we relaxed I was stretch out on my back and Delilah lay with her leg hooked over my hips and an arm across my chest. I stared sedately at the ceiling while taking note of the small her back and her left cheek with my hand. Delilah remarked about how good we looked in the mirror. I rolled my head to look in the mirror. It was pleasing to see her draped over me like a blanket. I commented that this moment would make a beautiful photo.

The third session was even more relaxed. Delilah asked me what my intentions for the session would be. I said ‘fun’. I just wanted to have fun with her. I wanted to let her not worry about catering to me. Fun we had. There was more play in all areas. Delilah nipped and licked at my lips. We giggled and lolled. There were touches that under different intentions may have be inappropriate, but at this time were funny. She thanked me for letting her have fun. Seeing her enjoy my company was a boost to my ego and lightened my spirit. It was my pleasure.

Between and during these sessions I had questions to ask and comments to make. All of them were leading. Leading in the sense that I would have directed her thoughts to taking me as a lover. Questions like, “Have you ever taken a client as a lover?” Comments like, “Your lover(s) must be something special.” The questions and comments were more or less pleas from a weak ego. It would have been better to just say what was on my mind. Instead, I never opened my mouth. I kept my own counsel. I knew that making those comments could have serious repercussions.

I don’t think Delilah can afford to be anything but honest in the face of those types of remarks. They clearly say that the person’s intentions are now more complicated than just seeking a little human comfort and pleasure. The client now wants a relationship that extends beyond the confines of her sanctuary. It’d be better to cut that client loose than to try to play to their ego for the sake of business. That’s a losing game anyway.

Before the third session, I was already thinking about how I would face my problem. It occurred to me that the client/provider relationship is only doable so long as the confines and rules of the sanctuary are respected. Any attempt to have a relationship outside of that framework would have problems. In the end, I decided that I had tallied up some great memories with Delilah. Returning would only weaken my ability to keep the leading questions quiet. That would have put Delilah in the distasteful position of asking me not to return.

If I am lucky, I’ll cross paths with her in the world outside of her sanctuary. Maybe we can strike up a friendship and start from there.

And here is the site: Book 22I am impressed that the Book 22 website caters to a generally stifled population. Most of the sex aids found on the site are run of the mill and can be found in any decent toy store. The site owners refrain from preachy texts and renaming the toys with christian themes. Imagine stumbling upon the Buddy Christ vibrator or the Passion bondage kit with spankers. There were two items that tickled me: Divine Storage Box and Divine Satchel. Is the “divine” reference to God or the state of “Oh God! Oh God!”?Well this site begs the questions “How many other sex websites cater to the faithful?” Time to whip out Google. My Search terms were “Christian Sex Toys”.

• http://www.mybelovedsgarden.net/
• http://www.whollylove.co.uk/

Here are a few books

• http://www.christiansextips.com/
• http://www.christian-sex.net/husband/index.html

… And finally, a website that caters to what’s new in Christian sex news.

• http://www.jesus21.com/index.php?s=default

–Update–

Sorry about not reply or approving the above (below?) comments sooner. My spam filter ate many of these comments.

To expand on the ideas hinted about in the post, my main point is that there is an inherent irony in offering sex toys directly to Christians. Sex toys are the epitome of secular objects. By using sex toys, Christians are turning from the sacred as it is defined in the Bible.

One, sex toys are most often used by individuals to masturbate. Yes, couples do include sex toys during coitus or as foreplay. But most often a sex toy is an object of personal pleasure. This intense individual time focuses on that person’s own pleasure. It isn’t for the glorification of God. Masturbation is for the glorification of the human and the release of tension and desire. It is an experience that can be (and is for many) secular and spiritual.

To cushion the secular impact of sex toys on Christian sacred life, most ad copy on the sites and books listed above are directed towards Christian couples. In particular, married couples. In other words, sex toys are acceptable so longs as they are used by married people and are used in each others company. This enables the use of toys for sexual pleasure to be accepted within the sacrament of marriage.

To be clear, I support the use of toys in any relationship. Wether you are a devoutly religious person or not, connecting with the human in you and next to you is a profound spiritual experience. The reasons for sex (procreation, pleasure, etc) are rooted in a desire to connect. We want to connect with another being. We want to connect to something inside ourselves. We long to connect. Sex toys are another tool to meet that end.

Christianity, in particular, wants humans to connect with God. However, we are supposed to do this through the proscribed channels ;&em church, prayer, and denial of the physical. This is complicated by the gift from God. He gave humanity bodies that feel pleasure when stimulated through the senses. That’s one hell of a contradiction. Why give humanity something that potentially distracts humans from the spiritual?

The only answer is that Christianity has gotten the message wrong somewhere. Here’s a big for instance. What is the real message of the Expulsion? Is it that disobeying God has doomed humanity to a life outside of his grace? Or is it the understanding the difference between good and evil leads to shame? Keep in mind that Adam and Eve had only two rules: Do not eat from the Tree of Knowledge and be fruitful and multiply. Prior to the apple incident, Adam and Eve frolicked in the garden naked as jay birds without a care in the world. They were happily doing things that for whatever reason now were wrong.

The Christian Boudoir questions the assumptions the Bible makes about the intentions of God. Some take the word as sacrosanct. Others with critical minds ask “If this is so wrong, why does it feel so good? And if it isn’t wrong, how can I make it fit into my faith and religion?”

Sensual awareness tunes the mind into the body’s experience. When the mind is focused on the changes in sensation it has little time to reflect on anything else. The mind can only process the present. The past and future has to be let go. It takes practice to bring the mind and body into alignment. But it can be done in so many ways. Delilah uses several disciplines that she sums up as ‘sensate focus.’

A quick Google search and I found that the term comes from a technique pioneered by Masters and Johnson to treat couples with sexual dysfunctions. At the core, sensate focus therapy involves couples progressing from intimate non-sexual contact to progressively more intimate contact. The stages of the treatment have several common threads: No talking, no sex and no touching of the genitals or breasts. It alleviates anxiety brought on by sex or the anticipation of sex. In essence, couples learn about what appeals and stimulates them through touch.

Humans have internal and external sensations. Breathing is key to the internal experience. It’s the one physiological function that we can control. When I was maybe ten years old, my Mom began a spiritual journey. She looked at a variety of paths. Mom was careful not to expose me directly to any of them. My path is my own to discover. She did, however, teach me about meditation. I learned how to breath. More to the point, I learned early in my life how to focus my attention on breathing. Today, I still practice some of the techniques she taught me long ago. The result is that I am a slow, deep, and quiet breather. When I feel myself tightening up from one stress or another, I just tell myself, “Breath in. Breath out.” Breath regulates the body with the heartbeat. Calm breathing slows the heart rate. It can massage the internal organs.

Next to breathing, the second most neglected sense is touch. Our largest sensory organ is our skin and yet we tune out most of what it has to tell us. Unless the touch is intentional (a caress from a lover) or accidental (brushing up against a hot iron), we ignore the signals from our skin. Yet, as I sit here, I can feel a light breeze from the window, the carpet under my feet, and a cat doing figure eights around my shins.

Lately, I have taken to twice daily showers. Until a couple of weeks ago, I took showers with same intent as most everyone: get the body clean. It was just another morning task to be done before work. Now I take an evening shower(why take a dirty body to bed?). The evening shower is slow. I use an aromatic soap (Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint Castille Soap). The peppermint oil in the soap fills the shower with a soothing steam. Meanwhile, the oil also has a cooling/heating sensation on the skin. It is very stimulating. Some bits of flesh are more stimulated than others. My morning shower is just a maintenance bath after the morning walk and before work.

Both showers follow the same pattern, though. A warm soaking followed by a hot soaking. The hot soaking is under water that stings a little, but doesn’t scald. I let it cascade over my head and shoulders. I can track the path as the streams pass between my shoulder blades or around my belly. It’s especially stimulating when it trickles around my genitals. Combine these sensations with deep breathing exercises and the affect is euphoric. I come out of my showers more centered and body aware.

The massage was our first since our re-acquaintance. It was full of emotion. Sierra had said that she liked to keep her appointments with friends as professional as possible. However, we ended talking very personally about life and happiness. I even shed tears. Sniffle. Sierra did put forward her best massage effort to date. It was a great massage. We enjoyed cups of tea, a walk, and a talk afterwards. A good session.

During our conversation, I mentioned that the Kinky Carnival was being held in my stomping grounds that night. Sierra had thought otherwise, but said she was going. A good carrot to put before me to insure that I would drag my lazy ass from the apartment and down the seven blocks to the Odd Fellows Hall.

The Kinky Carnival is an event organized by Teri Ciacchi. This year’s event was to support survivors and patients of uterine cancer which Teri belongs to the latter group. The Carnival, in its fourth year, is a sex positive event focused around kink culture. There were booths to sample various sensual experiences that are outside of the vanilla spectrum.

When I arrived, I was asked to sign an eleven point disclaimer/waiver. One of the waivers had me agree to the fact that I was not a member of law enforcement. I had to chuckle. If I showed up dress as a motorcycle cop and initialed that line, would I be received suspiciously?

Once the waiver was signed, I presented it to the cashier. She took the waiver and my cash. After checking my coat, I was escorted through the exhibits and instructed in the rules of play. Most play was limited to upper body, but there was very little left out in the scope of play. I could be tied, flogged, hugged, cuddled, kissed, bitten, shocked, eaten off of, pierced, massaged, touched with objects, and humiliated. What a smorgasbord!

I began with a little rope play. Tess is a gorgeous knot tier. She worked alongside of Max of BondageLessons.com. If she wanted, she could have had me hanging from the ceiling fans. Instead, as this was my first time, she opted for just a set of rope cuffs. I felt like I was in steel shackles. The wrists could not be moved together. It was such a simple knot, but it limited motion so well.

I wandered from Tess to the kissing booth. The woman there was gorgeous, too. Stacked like a brick shit house, but I could not stop looking at her eyes (which means that I never read her name tag). She just wanted to kiss people. She asked where I wanted to be kissed. “As I am tied up, I really think that is your choice.” She started with a steamy lip plant and worked to my neck. Glorioski! I think I spotted right there.

I walked around the rest of floor before returning to Tess. She was busy wrapping up another happy customer. So her other gorgeous colleague helped me come undone. Max is a lucky guy to have such attractive work mates.

The room lights blinked a few times. The show downstairs was about to begin. I made my way down and found a chair center row on the aisle. I had yet to see Sierra, but hope springs eternal. At the stage, Mistress Terry was having her boots polished by Peter. That’s not guy euphemism. Peter was dressed in a pilots jump suit and working a shoe shine kit. Mistress Terry’s knee high boots were getting a buffing and licking. Her black patent leather skirt shined against her dark skin. The arriving audience watched quietly.

The MC, a six foot glamorous biter, announced the shows commencement. I watched a French violinist/poet named Racoon, Teri sing the blues, a wonderfully graceful woman dance, another woman recite her seventh grade adventures with Debbie Does Dallas, a naked folk singer sing some of the funniest damn songs, and Peter get spanked by the MC and flogged by Mistress Kerry. The last put a thought into my head.

During the show I heard Sierra laughing from the corner. I glanced back and saw her leaned into her date on a bench near the rear corner. I have to admit a bit of jealousy. She left the show before me. I never did catch up with her that night. I wish I had. My glimpse was enough to catch that she was looking pretty hot that night. The jealousy had faded by the time I left the show. Oh well.

I finished my night with a good flogging. The line was short, but the wait was excruciating. In the meantime, I watched a woman get the spanking of a lifetime. She squirmed and twisted and the woman doling out the punishment twisted, pushed, and pressed the other. It was the funniest thing I saw. Then Elizabeth, my flagellator, put me up against the cross and beat the tar out of my shoulders. It was such a good feeling. Especially after Sierra’s massage.

Coat check was surprised that I was leaving before the Karnival closed, but work was just around the corner. I stopped by a local bar and got a favorite mixed drink. Felt a bit depressed that I was there by myself so the drink didn’t last long. The sting in my shoulder, however, still rings when I move just right.

Back at home, I slept like a baby. Work the next day felt like it was a thousand days from the night before. If it wasn’t for the lingering swipes of the flogger, I would have thought I had never gone to the Karnival, but only had dreamed it.