Okay, this is an email meme my mom sent me, but I laughed. Therefore, you had better. After all, my mom thought these were funny.

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighbourhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories..
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes – to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this thing I have– ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn It!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to Voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day.. What a waste.
17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. My 4-year old grandson asked me in the car the other day “What would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet, on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Bud Light than with a Kay jewelery Product.

May the best of 2009 be the worst of 2010.

The world over has had a pretty sucky 2009. I’m glad that it is behind us. As all of the new years past, this one promises good things for us all. I certainly wish for those good things. What helps to ward away the worry that the coming year may fail is to remember how the past year didn’t fail.

I continued to work on my art even after closing the studio. My job remained my job, and I remained able to feed and house myself and my two cats. I had many good nights with friends and was reacquainted with friends I thought I lost. Indeed, the year could have been better monetarily, but it was tops spiritually.

I spent my NYE at home with my cats and the Star Wars Trilogy. (The first three films never happened!) I ate well and drank even better. My hands remained busy with IM, Twitter, texts. There may have just been me and the cats in the apartment, but I felt surrounded by my friends. It was an oddly warm and melancholy night. I drank too much, laughed a lot, and woke with a hangover. In other words, I had a successful NYE.

It’s a strange holiday, this Thanksgiving thing. Did you know that even though the first Thanksgiving occurred in the early 17th, it wasn’t until Lincoln that the last Thursday of November was set aside for the holiday? Americans from the establishment of the Colonies through the Revolutionary War and establishment of the United States celebrated Thanksgiving whenever it suited their local or Federal desires. Not until 1863, did we as a single nation begin to sit together and give thanks.

In essence, it is supposed to be a religious holiday to celebrate the bounty and mercy of God, but like all other Western traditions Thanksgiving is muddled with secular pleasures. We drink, watch sports and parades, and prepare for the shopping onslaught of the next month. Thanksgiving is the gateway to Christmas and New Year’s Eve. It is also the day that many begin their annual charity.

The core traditions of Thanksgiving still hold. Like the Pilgrims, we gather together with family and friends. A table is set with our finest plates and stemware. Down the center of the table are epicurean delights like roast turkey, cornbread stuffing, cranberry relish, sweet and mashed potatoes, wine and beer, beans, and on and on. It is a feast for an army to feed a few.

It sounds cynical, I know. To be honest, I enjoy the holiday because of what it is: A day with friends and family. Strip away the religious trappings and historical controversies (think the effects of colonialism on native populations) and you have a day off from work that revolves around spending time with people you genuinely care for. Okay, maybe that is stretching it for some, but nonetheless this day is for feasting and friendship.

Today, I go to a friend’s home. She is laying out a traditional Thanksgiving feast. There will most likely be sports on the TV and wine in the glasses. We’ll eat until we burst, drink a little more than we should, and shoot the shit for several hours. Does it get any simpler or better?

In the spirit of the holiday, I’d like to list the things I am thankful for:

• Family that I want to spend time with.
• Friends that I will be spending time with.
• A job.
• A roof over my head.
• My relatively good health.
• A stable and sharp mind.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This little toy from OhMiBod would be wrapped in pretty paper and given on a Wednesday! This is just the coolest idea for a sex toy. The hum of the vibe is quieted by her favorite music. In the meantime, the world gets to hear her pleasure.

The premise of the toy is simple. Audio output from your MP3 player controls the rhythm and sustain of the vibrations coming from OhMiBod. Turn on the gadgets, select a favorite playlist, and then let the rhythms do the work.
Read more here »

I just have to ask though…Will he get his wish. One of his bits on death he said, “I don’t want to buried. Embalmed. Stuffed in a box. Cremated. I want to be blown up. Ba-boom! There he goes. Thump-thump-thump.”