It is a great compliment to be left a note. “You sounded ‘occupied’ and we didn’t want to disturb you. The work is done. Have a nice day.” We just did, but thank you anyway. Mid-afternoon sex (aka – “the Nooner”) is probably the most enjoyable. Morning Sex has morning breath and evening sex fights against fatigue. The nooner takes two eager bodies and lets them collide with a night still ahead. Not to mention, there is the high probability that the neighbors are listening in.

I once walked my neighborhood. It was a sunny spring day and I had nothing else to occupy me. Groceries needed to be restocked. It looked like a good enough reason to get into the sun. As I passed one house, I heard unusual noises. At first it was just grunting. Then, I began to make out words. I thought an argument was about to ensue. But that assumption passed as I heard, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck me!” The noisy sex monkeys were whooping. I listened for some time. Each pounding stroke was enunciated by another barrage of ‘fucks’. If I had a paper pad and pencil. I would have left them a thank you note.

After I returned with the groceries, my girlfriend and I unleashed the noisy sex monkeys upon the ears of the little old ladies in the apartments surrounding us. Noisy sex forces others to be voyeurs. We can turn away the eyes, but find it impossible to tune out the ears. It is especially difficult when the noises are so tantalizing. Squeaking springs, moaning, groaning bed frames and the syncopated taps of headboards on gypsum. Then there are the inhuman guttural utterances coming from two people that you know you will cross paths with sometime in the future. How do you look them in the eyes? With a wink and nod.